Couple of things to talk about today guys.
1-GO over and check out http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/2011/04/open-letter-to-peta.html Seriously guys. I love animals. I work to make their lives humane, comfortable and understood. PETA has a long standing history of extremism, when their attempts to help often make things worse. (Like the time they broke into a research facility and released a bunch of armadillos with leprosy into the wild... where they then infected the wild armadillo population... Good thinkin' there guys.) Anyway, so now "In honor of Infertility Awareness" they are offering a free vasectomy to one lucky guy for neutering his pet. PETA is basing this on the idea that humans are overpopulating the planet and there isn't room for all the animals euthanized in shelters everywhere. Ok.... I have two thoughts here. First, there is a lot of academics who argue that overpopulation is due to medical improvements allowing people to live longer, and that birthrates are actually in decline, so eventually we will slowly decrease the human population. And secondly, less people means less homes to put those unwanted pets in.
Moving on...
2-Work is going well. I worked 7 1/2 hours straight today. Long shift I was pooped when I finally got off. But I'm finding more of a rhythm. Still coming across nuances they want done differently but I think that overall we are fitting together. I don't think they are having to repeat themselves to me much at all. The biggest pain is that while they are training me, I never know what my shift will be from day to day, it all depends on what the schedule looks like. I'm hoping they don't drag this out too long... I don't mind working, but I like knowing when I can plan things.
And this moves into my next train of thought...
3-We are officially moving forward with pursuing our own pregnancy. Rachel emailed me officially stepping down from surrogacy and I absolutely respect her feelings. And honestly, I'm starting to think Scott and I are ready too try, that maybe meeting her was the chance we desperately needed to take a break. So as soon as I get a regular schedule I'll be calling back Dr.B to schedule my Lap.
However...
4-What do I do with this blog? I don't want to lose the wonderful support I have found on here. But the title, url address, and description are all focused towards our try at surrogacy. Do I start a new blog, with a link from this blog to my new blog? Do I just rename it and change my description and live with the url?
And Finally: A really big giant HUGE thank you for the advice and support from everyone on talking with Scott about sex. We did discuss it a little this afternoon. And we agreed it may be good to talk more, and maybe even talk with a counselor. That's another one of those things that hinges on me having a regular schedule...
Ok, really, the last thing: MommyOdyssey has been having problems commenting on my page. If you find yourself having a hard time posting, I would love it if you would send me a message to let me know. Who knows, maybe this is my chance to move over to WordPress? (I like that they can reply to specific comments)
Showing posts with label Ignorant Interactions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ignorant Interactions. Show all posts
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
"Mutual Friend"
Can I start by saying how honestly and truly tired I am of having to write on this subject. But as it continues to come up in my household it continues to be at the forfront of my mind and so it is what I end up writing about.
I was made aware today that my roommate denies reading my blog, but that a "mutual friend" does and then passes on the topics I talk about to her.
I was really surprised to learn this. So this message is meant for whoever this person may be. If you don't agree with me, I would greatly appreciate you approaching me and talking with me about it. I'm not interested in having a bunch of "yes men" pretending to support me while not actually supporting me. Scott and I had a discussion today where he didn't agree with something and while I was surprised I would rather he be honest with me then lie to me. Sometimes it is a simple matter of clarifying something, and sometimes it means agreeing to disagree. But either way, I would like to talk to you. It's what friends do.
On the fertility front, I'm anxious for Rachel to hit cycle day one so we can start planning for the next cycle. And I hope to get to hang out with her, due to scheduling we haven't gotten to hang out at all and I miss her! *Squoze hug* to my wonderful friend!
And on the silly front, we are coming to the end of season one of Star Trek and I'm looking forward to season two. I'm becoming an addict, I can tell :D But don't worry, I wont consider naming my baby Spock or anything. Although I did jokingly "yell" at my dad for him not showing us these episodes growing up (we watched all kinds of old TV shows, does anybody remember the black-and-white Zorro show??) but not Star Trek. He laughed and said that even when they came out and were the best of the technology, it was still cheesy. I explained that is what is so fun about it! Oh we had a good laugh...
I was made aware today that my roommate denies reading my blog, but that a "mutual friend" does and then passes on the topics I talk about to her.
I was really surprised to learn this. So this message is meant for whoever this person may be. If you don't agree with me, I would greatly appreciate you approaching me and talking with me about it. I'm not interested in having a bunch of "yes men" pretending to support me while not actually supporting me. Scott and I had a discussion today where he didn't agree with something and while I was surprised I would rather he be honest with me then lie to me. Sometimes it is a simple matter of clarifying something, and sometimes it means agreeing to disagree. But either way, I would like to talk to you. It's what friends do.
On the fertility front, I'm anxious for Rachel to hit cycle day one so we can start planning for the next cycle. And I hope to get to hang out with her, due to scheduling we haven't gotten to hang out at all and I miss her! *Squoze hug* to my wonderful friend!
And on the silly front, we are coming to the end of season one of Star Trek and I'm looking forward to season two. I'm becoming an addict, I can tell :D But don't worry, I wont consider naming my baby Spock or anything. Although I did jokingly "yell" at my dad for him not showing us these episodes growing up (we watched all kinds of old TV shows, does anybody remember the black-and-white Zorro show??) but not Star Trek. He laughed and said that even when they came out and were the best of the technology, it was still cheesy. I explained that is what is so fun about it! Oh we had a good laugh...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Today I've got some rage and depression. You've been warned.
First for the good news: I am officially in jeans one size smaller than I was in last month. Hurray for the loss of fat!
Also, tomorrow is my birthday. Yay birthday! I may be turning 26 but I still like to celebrate birthdays with the same enthusiasm I had as a kid. Except other people don't like to celebrate like that anymore so I have no friends to invite over to wear silly hats and play games with me. But I'm enthusiastic regardless.
Now for what's been rattling around in my head for over a week. Last Saturday, before Scott and I went to talk with Father M, a friend started offering reasons why he thought the Orthodox church doesn't support surrogacy. I would like to start by saying that NONE of the reasons he listed were given to us by our priest, but I have read them as being the Catholic stance. This person was raised Catholic so I get the connection, but it wasn't accurate to our current church, and was really hurtfull. I have thought about addressing the situation with my friend but he is the kind of person that always thinks he is right, and anytime there is a disagreement he thinks it is a chance to debate and is not able to "agree to disagree" and I don't really want to get into a big emotional debate on the subject. Add to that that a different friend voiced concern that my approaching it now would have more to do with my pride and therefore probably not a great move, is making me think I shouldn't bring up the subject. Anyway, here were his arguments:
Because Rachel is Jewish, being both of her genetics and grown in her womb will be "spiritually damaging for our child." That our child would somehow be obnoxious/out of control/damaged/psychotic or something. That having a baby from non-Christian parents would make our child extra sinful or damned.
When I pointed out that adopting a baby would most likely mean it would not be from Orthodox parentage, he said "But Scott and you would not be involved in creating the situation." ("Situation"?! Like this is some unemotional business proposition?) I can't even begin to tell you guys how much that infuriates and offends me. While we can debate nature vs. nurture all day, and I do recognize that a child that is biologically Rachel's will posses many traits of hers, I don't think that my child will be doomed to be a serial killer or anything. The child will be loved, blessed and prayed for regardless of whose womb is grows in! And honestly, I've met plenty of Christian people who are not half as nice, honest and awesome as Rachel. I can't imagine a better fit for us!
He said that to continue to pursue surrogacy would be willful, disobedient and sinful. I'm sure he had other points but my rage kind of blacked out some of the conversation. I sat there and didn't say anything. Mostly because I knew that if I did I would start screaming and such an emotional outburst wouldn't really help my argument. He himself has 5 kids, and while they did suffer a miscarriage, he doesn't know the pain of desiring a child and not having one. I don't think he can really talk to me about having patience or giving it up to God etc. (Although I do have absolute faith that whatever God desires is what will happen) And so below is the letter I wrote and would like to send but wont because in truth it probably is a bit about pride. But at the same time, I feel that someone has to educate him or else he will continue to go around shooting off at the mouth about something he has no real experience or empathy with. I also know that as blunt as he is with people, he has expressed a desire that they be blunt and honest with him back. But that's hard for someone as reserved and people-pleasing as myself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dear ____(name omitted to protect their privacy, although I know most of you would never meet them),
I have been thinking over our discussion on Saturday about Scott and my decision to pursue surrogacy. At the time, I didn't say anything because truly I was very upset and felt that if I did say anything I would have either broken into tears or become angry and I did not want to handle the situation so emotionally. I know that you did not mean to upset me. But I felt that I had to let you know that what you said was hurtful. It also was inaccurate, as far as it being the Orthodox stance. None of the reasons you listed against surrogacy have ever come up in my conversations with Father Mark, although I have seen them listed as reasons the Catholic church does not condone surrogacy. But I am not, and never have been, Catholic.
I know that you have been through some difficult and traumatic events, and comparably I had a very easy childhood. However, you have not experienced infertility and just as I can not speak to the traumas of you life, this is a traumatic event that I feel you should not talk about so decidedly.
Please know that I want us to be friends and do not want this to turn into a debate and that I don't hold any grudges, but felt that I had to be honest with you about how I felt."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess I know what to say if when he brings up the subject again, right?
To top it off, the time down here in Bloomfield has gotten a tad awkward. T's dad is one of those talkative button-pushers, who thinks he's really funny but isn't. He keeps joking about keeping my dogs (ha ha ha...) and feeding them people food (the vet tech in me wants to scream) and he keeps giving T a hard time about how messy her house is, how much time she spends on her laptop etc etc and she is getting all irritated and me being the peace keeper feels like I'm in an awkward place. So I spend a lot of time on my laptop or my Nook trying to avoid the tension. Mostly I wish that we were just heading back north today, because while my roommate situation is very tense, I've learned how to avoid my roommate and hide in my bedroom or take a long soothing shower. Here I don't really have a space to retreat to. And I had to turn down dinner with Rachel and I would much rather being having dinner with her than staying up here and having all my food options be junk like pancakes and lasagna. Ugh all the grain is making me nauseous.
Wow that all sounds really whiny but it's where I'm at today. *shrug*
Also, tomorrow is my birthday. Yay birthday! I may be turning 26 but I still like to celebrate birthdays with the same enthusiasm I had as a kid. Except other people don't like to celebrate like that anymore so I have no friends to invite over to wear silly hats and play games with me. But I'm enthusiastic regardless.
Now for what's been rattling around in my head for over a week. Last Saturday, before Scott and I went to talk with Father M, a friend started offering reasons why he thought the Orthodox church doesn't support surrogacy. I would like to start by saying that NONE of the reasons he listed were given to us by our priest, but I have read them as being the Catholic stance. This person was raised Catholic so I get the connection, but it wasn't accurate to our current church, and was really hurtfull. I have thought about addressing the situation with my friend but he is the kind of person that always thinks he is right, and anytime there is a disagreement he thinks it is a chance to debate and is not able to "agree to disagree" and I don't really want to get into a big emotional debate on the subject. Add to that that a different friend voiced concern that my approaching it now would have more to do with my pride and therefore probably not a great move, is making me think I shouldn't bring up the subject. Anyway, here were his arguments:
Because Rachel is Jewish, being both of her genetics and grown in her womb will be "spiritually damaging for our child." That our child would somehow be obnoxious/out of control/damaged/psychotic or something. That having a baby from non-Christian parents would make our child extra sinful or damned.
When I pointed out that adopting a baby would most likely mean it would not be from Orthodox parentage, he said "But Scott and you would not be involved in creating the situation." ("Situation"?! Like this is some unemotional business proposition?) I can't even begin to tell you guys how much that infuriates and offends me. While we can debate nature vs. nurture all day, and I do recognize that a child that is biologically Rachel's will posses many traits of hers, I don't think that my child will be doomed to be a serial killer or anything. The child will be loved, blessed and prayed for regardless of whose womb is grows in! And honestly, I've met plenty of Christian people who are not half as nice, honest and awesome as Rachel. I can't imagine a better fit for us!
He said that to continue to pursue surrogacy would be willful, disobedient and sinful. I'm sure he had other points but my rage kind of blacked out some of the conversation. I sat there and didn't say anything. Mostly because I knew that if I did I would start screaming and such an emotional outburst wouldn't really help my argument. He himself has 5 kids, and while they did suffer a miscarriage, he doesn't know the pain of desiring a child and not having one. I don't think he can really talk to me about having patience or giving it up to God etc. (Although I do have absolute faith that whatever God desires is what will happen) And so below is the letter I wrote and would like to send but wont because in truth it probably is a bit about pride. But at the same time, I feel that someone has to educate him or else he will continue to go around shooting off at the mouth about something he has no real experience or empathy with. I also know that as blunt as he is with people, he has expressed a desire that they be blunt and honest with him back. But that's hard for someone as reserved and people-pleasing as myself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dear ____(name omitted to protect their privacy, although I know most of you would never meet them),
I have been thinking over our discussion on Saturday about Scott and my decision to pursue surrogacy. At the time, I didn't say anything because truly I was very upset and felt that if I did say anything I would have either broken into tears or become angry and I did not want to handle the situation so emotionally. I know that you did not mean to upset me. But I felt that I had to let you know that what you said was hurtful. It also was inaccurate, as far as it being the Orthodox stance. None of the reasons you listed against surrogacy have ever come up in my conversations with Father Mark, although I have seen them listed as reasons the Catholic church does not condone surrogacy. But I am not, and never have been, Catholic.
I know that you have been through some difficult and traumatic events, and comparably I had a very easy childhood. However, you have not experienced infertility and just as I can not speak to the traumas of you life, this is a traumatic event that I feel you should not talk about so decidedly.
Please know that I want us to be friends and do not want this to turn into a debate and that I don't hold any grudges, but felt that I had to be honest with you about how I felt."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess I know what to say
To top it off, the time down here in Bloomfield has gotten a tad awkward. T's dad is one of those talkative button-pushers, who thinks he's really funny but isn't. He keeps joking about keeping my dogs (ha ha ha...) and feeding them people food (the vet tech in me wants to scream) and he keeps giving T a hard time about how messy her house is, how much time she spends on her laptop etc etc and she is getting all irritated and me being the peace keeper feels like I'm in an awkward place. So I spend a lot of time on my laptop or my Nook trying to avoid the tension. Mostly I wish that we were just heading back north today, because while my roommate situation is very tense, I've learned how to avoid my roommate and hide in my bedroom or take a long soothing shower. Here I don't really have a space to retreat to. And I had to turn down dinner with Rachel and I would much rather being having dinner with her than staying up here and having all my food options be junk like pancakes and lasagna. Ugh all the grain is making me nauseous.
Wow that all sounds really whiny but it's where I'm at today. *shrug*
Friday, March 4, 2011
A weird conversation
Today I went with my friend T to her riding lesson today, and as she was warming up her trainer and I got to talking. We have met a few times when I have been hanging out with T so generally speaking, I like her. She asked me if I was thinking of buying a horse again and I explained that was highly unlikely at the moment since we were trying to start a family and were pursuing surrogacy because we couldn't have a baby ourselves. Her response?
"Oh, yeah, I've thought that that's how I would do it when I have kids! I wouldn't want to have to stop riding, it's my livelihood."
Now, I understand riding horses is her sole means of income. And as far as I am aware she isn't dating anyone and I know she isn't married. And is not really considering having kids in the near future. But... Seriously?! That is the exact stereotype we are trying to fight against, wealthy women hiring surrogates for aesthetic reasons.
I was struck dumb you guys. Seriously, no words. I mumbled something about how we really wanted to try to have a baby ourselves but couldn't, and then changed the subject.
(On a side note, I know that riding during pregnancy is a highly debated topic. If I was pregnant? I probably would ride for as long as I felt able, but there is some concern about the jarring of the trot/jog causing damages. And of course if you will be doing any jumping or working with unknown/fractious horses there is real concerns with falling/kicking etc. A trainer [especially this trainer would be doing jumping and working with unknown horses] would be wise to limit riding during pregnancy although I would think she could continue teaching lessons)
"Oh, yeah, I've thought that that's how I would do it when I have kids! I wouldn't want to have to stop riding, it's my livelihood."
Now, I understand riding horses is her sole means of income. And as far as I am aware she isn't dating anyone and I know she isn't married. And is not really considering having kids in the near future. But... Seriously?! That is the exact stereotype we are trying to fight against, wealthy women hiring surrogates for aesthetic reasons.
I was struck dumb you guys. Seriously, no words. I mumbled something about how we really wanted to try to have a baby ourselves but couldn't, and then changed the subject.
(On a side note, I know that riding during pregnancy is a highly debated topic. If I was pregnant? I probably would ride for as long as I felt able, but there is some concern about the jarring of the trot/jog causing damages. And of course if you will be doing any jumping or working with unknown/fractious horses there is real concerns with falling/kicking etc. A trainer [especially this trainer would be doing jumping and working with unknown horses] would be wise to limit riding during pregnancy although I would think she could continue teaching lessons)
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