And now back to our regular schedule programming

**UPDATE Hey guys,
Having a weird situation going on over here.  Lost most of my post but saved this: **

Scott is on board for us trying again, and we're planning to run another SA just to see. (Look at me, a plan and everything!  Hey, my ducks are lined up again! Yippee!) Then in the next cycle we will try to schedule a Lap to see if I've got something going on with my business. And then we will most likely try and IUI. (quack... quack....)

But before that, we're going to have just a regular Friday.  We ordered pizza for dinner, and are about to meet up with some old friends at a bar, have a beer or two, play some pool and just be some normal 26/27 year olds.

What. A. Long. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Couple of things to talk about today guys. 

1-GO over and check out http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/2011/04/open-letter-to-peta.html Seriously guys.  I love animals.  I work to make their lives humane, comfortable and understood.  PETA has a long standing history of extremism, when their attempts to help often make things worse.  (Like the time they broke into a research facility and released a bunch of armadillos with leprosy into the wild... where they then infected the wild armadillo population... Good thinkin' there guys.)  Anyway, so now "In honor of Infertility Awareness" they are offering a free vasectomy to one lucky guy for neutering his pet. PETA is basing this on the idea that humans are overpopulating the planet and there isn't room for all the animals euthanized in shelters everywhere.  Ok.... I have two thoughts here. First, there is a lot of academics who argue that overpopulation is due to medical improvements allowing people to live longer, and that birthrates are actually in decline, so eventually we will slowly decrease the human population.  And secondly, less people means less homes to put those unwanted pets in.

Moving on...
2-Work is going well.  I worked 7 1/2 hours straight today.  Long shift I was pooped when I finally got off.  But I'm finding more of a rhythm.  Still coming across nuances they want done differently but I think that overall we are fitting together.  I don't think they are having to repeat themselves to me much at all.  The biggest pain is that while they are training me, I never know what my shift will be from day to day, it all depends on what the schedule looks like.  I'm hoping they don't drag this out too long... I don't mind working, but I like knowing when I can plan things. 

And this moves into my next train of thought...
3-We are officially moving forward with pursuing our own pregnancy.  Rachel emailed me officially stepping down from surrogacy and I absolutely respect her feelings.  And honestly, I'm starting to think Scott and I are ready too try, that maybe meeting her was the chance we desperately needed to take a break.  So as soon as I get a regular schedule I'll be calling back Dr.B to schedule my Lap. 

However...
4-What do I do with this blog?  I don't want to lose the wonderful support I have found on here.  But the title, url address, and description are all focused towards our try at surrogacy.  Do I start a new blog, with a link from this blog to my new blog?  Do I just rename it and change my description and live with the url?

And Finally:  A really big giant HUGE thank you for the advice and support from everyone on talking with Scott about sex.  We did discuss it a little this afternoon.  And we agreed it may be good to talk more, and maybe even talk with a counselor.  That's another one of those things that hinges on me having a regular schedule...

Ok, really, the last thing: MommyOdyssey has been having problems commenting on my page.  If you find yourself having a hard time posting, I would love it if you would send me a message to let me know.  Who knows, maybe this is my chance to move over to WordPress? (I like that they can reply to specific comments)

Auspicious April

I texted my sister-in-law A that I had been offered the job.  She called me up all excited, but instantly recognized the less-than-enthusiastic tone in my voice.  I told her, "I need you to smack me upside the head" and she replied "I can do that."  She then proceeded to verbally smack me upside the head, but in this amazing way where I don't feel like crap afterward.  I know that this is more about my self confidence being shaken by the really bad job in Vancouver I took last fall.  And the only way to get it back is to face the problem.  So I emailed Dr.A back and accepted the job.  *lots of deep breaths going on over here*

Scott got home safely from a wildfire today.  They got paged out last night and he has been been out fighting it all night, clocked something like 14 hours.  I know this is going to sound morbid, but we love wild-fire season in our house.  It really helps to supplement Scott's paycheck.  And it's what he really wants to do.  I'm still surprised that firefighting is as competitive as it is.  He is heading out to Washington at the end of April to begin the interview process for Tacoma Fire so it would be an absolute dream come true if he got through this stage.

And then on one final, awesome note I got my Chocobuddy pairing today :D  :D  :D  WoopWoop! *doing a terrible 90's white-girl celebration dance*  I can't wait to go to the store and pick something out for her!!!

The sun in shining (big surprise here, I know, but I'm feeling the springtime-ness), took the dogs for a walk and they are happy, and I think April is going to be a good month.

The Story of Me and Scott

Alrighty - if you're here for ICLW check out my previous post on 3/20/11, here is the link:
http://becominganip.blogspot.com/2011/03/overview-of-me-and-my-ifttc-journey.html
(I don't know how to insert a link into a single word... maybe someday I'll learn lol)
Now onto today's post:

So, due to the inquisitiveness of some of my readers/fellow bloggers, here is a little history o' me&Scott.

We met in the fall of 2003, my first year of college.  (Scott had graduated a year earlier and had taken a year off to work) We did the flirting-getting-know-ya stuff, and started dating in December of 2003. 

After our first yer of college we both transferred to separate colleges, he to a college in Wyoming, and me to one in Denver.  We survived long-distance dating and in 2005 we started talking about the future.  On October 7 2007 we were married in the mountains of Colorado in Allenspark.  There was some minor hiccups, but all-in-all it was as perfect as any wedding could be (in my mind).  Sure our videographer skipped out early (no speeches or father-daughter dance) and our photographer was stressing everybody out as she tried to get a bunch of pictures, and my father-in-law never spoke to me, but hey there was no fighting, the food was good and we walked away wed.

Not shortly thereafter, in November my vehicle could not longer be limped along and we traded in for a working car, and my first car payment.  Then in December at Scott's birthday party (December 1st) our dog Bandit bit a friend of ours.  We were devastated.  Bandit had been struggling with fear aggression for a while, and we had taken him to 3 different trainers in our attempt to rehabilitate him.  But that day we realized we were not equipped for such a situation, and came to the conclusion to give him away.  Then Scott had a seizure at work, at a steal fabrication company.  And due to safety regulation, he couldn't work there anymore.

Here we were, newlyweds facing an unknown medical condition without an income.  (I was in school at the time and when I try to work while in school I fail classes)  Luckily Scott has a trust account that we could access via his mother.  However, this led to an inability for us to be seen as independent adults as we had to include her in all of our financial decisions.  This is an aspect of the relationship that has yet to change as his mom continues to treat us like teenagers still dating and not married adults.  I think that this is the basis for why she does not support us being parents.  And unfortunately the more you yell and scream "we are adults!" the less you convince them lol.

I also feel the need to explain that we come from very different backgrounds.  Our differences is what attracted me to Scott, but sometimes it does cause difficulties.  Most notably when we first married and were trying to make joint decisions. I had come from an affluent area, and while we weren't rich as far as I could tell, we never really wanted for necessity.  Holidays were big events with lavish feats and gift giving.  We had a boat and went out on it frequently on weekends and for 2 weeks in the summer for family vacation.  Scott had grown up in a family of cattle ranchers, and remembered a childhood growing up in an old modular home and being grateful for basic necessities. All through my childhood I longed to move to the country and live on a ranch and ride horses every day.  Scott had the childhood I dreamed of, and is singular in his ability to keep me grounded when I would tend toward trivial or material focuses.  And I think I help balance Scott in pushing him to shoot for dreams that his logic would say was unreachable.  We have found a good balance in our current life, but it certainly added to difficulty when first married because I was not able to accept our minimal lifestyle that comes to all newlyweds.  I laugh at myself now, but at the time it was very real, very frustrating.

Anyway, so back to the new year of 2008.  Tensions were running high to begin with.  No job, lost our beloved dog, and then we were having problems a-la bedroom.  I should explain.  I've always had a high libido; Scott, not so much.  So while we were already being pushed to our limit I was sexually frustrated, and every time he turned me down my self-esteem plummeted.  I know that he didn't mean for me to take it that way, but when culture tells you over and over that men are horn dogs and the only reason they would ever turn a woman down is because she must be hideous, how was I supposed to react?  Add to that the fact that neither of us really likes to take charge... I don't like saying "do this, do that" but I find myself doing that a lot.  So it makes sex even when it did happen not so enjoyable.  I do want to say, he is well endowed so that's not the problem.  But this girl needs foreplay.  And the only way I get it is by giving a detailed list which really sucks all the passion out of the situation. (In hind sight I think it was his way of reacting to the stress, he wasn't interested in sex when he was so distracted.)

So... we weren't doing so hot.  There is a lot that a couple deals with in just learning how to handle a new marriage (who does what chores, how to spend money, planning for the future) that is a normal difficulty.  And we had a number of other big issues on top of all that. 

We almost got divorced I am ashamed to admit. 

We started seeing a therapist who I also have to admit I was skeptical of.  We had done some premarital counseling and the woman we worked with really kind of sucked.  I had initially started college majoring in Biblical Studies and minoring in Psychology.  The problem with the term "Counselor" is that it requires no official schooling or degree, ANYONE can call themselves that.  I have a lot more respect for licensed Psychologists and Psychiatrists because they have had schooling.  Anyway, this new therapist actually was pretty good and helped us to work through our resentments and disagreements to a certain extent.  It saved our marriage.

So all of this rambling is supposed to help you to see us as people.  With flaws and a past.  We are far from perfect now, but I have to admit that having such a rough start forced us to find tools to strengthen our marriage.  We have had conversations "normal" married couples probably don't have while still in the first 4 years of marriage.  We have talked about organ donation, what we want done to us after we die, what we would do if the other did die... Scott is a volunteer fireman so mortality is something I've faced since first dating.  But his seizure really hit home.  He did have a second seizure 6 months after the first one, but since then he has had no further seizures or any signs of having them.  We are forced to shrug and chalk it up to how his body handled stress.

I have plenty of stories and details but I'm not sure what you guys really want to know... so feel free to ask, I'm an open book.

To therapy or not to therapy?

How does one go about finding a therapist specializing in infertility?  I promised my friend M that I would go see someone to talk about my infertility/miscarriage/EDD because

1-she is going to see one for her unplanned pregnancy with a baby-daddy that wants nothing to do with her or the child so I promised her I would do it for the sake of solidarity.  While I know infertility is damaging, I can see that her situation comes with its own trauma and pain and my heart goes out to her.  I wish we lived closer so we could help in some tangible way.

And 2- because, well, it's kind of a long time coming.  My emotions have been all over the place this month; anger, depression, I've been becoming more and more hermitish in my desires.  When I told Scott he said that he thought I was fine and that this was out of left field.  But I told him... first of all he has been gone for the last week.  We talk for maybe 15 minutes in a day when he travels like this.  And even when he is home he comes home from work in such a foul mood I don't bring it up.  And when I did bring it up at the beginning of the month he was kind of "there there *pat on head*" about it.  I'm sure he wasn't trying to blow me off, but he did.  So I hide it from him.  Hey, I studied psychology for a bit, and while I hate to admit it, I can hide my emotions from him when I want to.  Heck, I can hide it from the whole world if I want to, I grew up in a white-collar-neighborhood where you learn to put a smile on your face and go about your day like nothing is wrong because you don't want to impose.

But I know that's not healthy.  Usually I am the first person to say "I need to talk to someone".  I saw a school counselor my second year of college when my parents separated/divorced after 25 (27?) years of marriage. I dragged Scott into pre-marital counseling to "prepare" us for marriage.  We went back again when in the first year he suffered 2 seizures, lost his job and a host of other small crap that all piled up to a really strained relationship.  One thing a psych professor told us and has stuck with me is "Everybody has issues.  And when you start to think you don't is when you're screwed."  So normally I'm fine with going. 

But I think... I didn't want to go because I didn't want someone telling me not to be sad.  I think it's ok to be sad!  If I wasn't sad, then wouldn't it mean I was some heartless, insensitive robot or something?  I don't think I'll ever be 100% over this.  Infertility changes people, read ANY infertile blog and you'll see that. Optimism and hope get dashed again and again and even though we still hope, the hope is tainted.  It's not the same care-free hope we had before finding out about our infertility.  And I don't want to go over all the details again, start fresh with someone ELSE who hasn't been here for the last two years and feel like I need to justify where I'm at.  But I also can't see someone who says things contradictory to my faith.  No offense to people of other faiths, but if I went and saw someone who was all Buddhist/nirvana/new age about this it wouldn't work for me.  And you can only tell so much about what a therapist will be like until you go and meet with them.  And the idea of going to multiple people is just exhausting.

So I want to stay in bed where it is comfy and safe and not go out into the world.  Except I got woken up this morning by my roommates dogs.  I know she can't do anything when they bark when she is gone... but actually there is.  She could close them up in her bedroom so they don't stare out the big front window and bark at every leaf that moves out on the yard and street.  I lock my dogs up when I'm not home, it is for their safety as well as to be respectful of other people in the house.  She knows her dogs freak me out, why does she continue to leave them loose upstairs?!  I don't even want to go get breakfast most mornings because I'm terrified that one of these days one of those dogs is going to attack me for no good reason.  So no breakfast for me today, I'm just staying in bed.  Except I promised my friend E that I would go check on her horse sometime... well Scott is gone for the moment with the truck so I don't have transportation.  So I think that's excuse enough to continue being a hermit until he gets home.

A longer update

So we found out what is wrong with my car (it got dropped off at the shop on Friday)  The catalytic converter is dead.  The mechanics quotes $750 to replace it.  But Scott swears he can replace it and the part will be about $200.  But that means it still wont get fixed until a minimum of Friday. 

Scott is in Wyoming for work for the week.  He's hoping to be home Thursday, but it may not be until Friday.  My birthday is Friday so I really do hope he is home by then. (26 for those of you who care.)

Had a really great time with my mom.  The tour at Celestial Seasonings was fun and really interesting. We shopped and then headed home.

Sunday we had breakfast with Rachel (yay Snooze!), which I think went pretty well... I'm still waiting to get Rachel's impression of my mom lol.  Then church (she didn't like the incense, it bothered her eyes but seemed to overall like it.) and more shopping (got a grand total of: 1 new pair of earrings, 1 new necklace, 1 pair of shoes and a purse) Scott got home that evening from the wildfire outside of Boulder for dinner and some dessert a la Whole Foods. 

Monday I drove Scott to his office so I would have the truck, mom and I had brunch and went for a walk along the Poudre River with my friend Bee.  It was a nice chance to walk the dogs and talk with a good friend :)    We got to the airport in time and I dropped her off.

I then bawled like a baby. 

I mean, I'm feeling all overwhelmed and stressed out that we missed all opportunity of pregnancy with Rachel this month, my roommate has raised the tension in our house to the breaking point, I'm facing my EDD of the baby we lost, AND I started my period (hello emotions!)  And my hubby is out of town and I'm always sad when I drop people off at the airport...

Mostly I just want to curl up and drink the yummy tea I got from the CS tour (sleepytime vanilla.  AH-mazing!) and eat a lot of chocolate.

On the upside I just got a phone call from my sister-in-law A.  I love her her so much, she has been unfailingly supportive of Scott and I, and she is one of the few people that understands the intricacies of my family and we can gossip back and forth about what's new in the family. (I hate to admit that I gossip... but I can't really call it anything else)

And of course my dear friend T who I spend 90% of my day with has been wonderful to keep me from being too lonely, and we rented the first DVD's of the original Star Trek and the cheesyness and eyeshadow are pretty darn amusing. (I'm all for guy-liner and male-polish, but eyeshadow is a bit much for the entire male crew lol)

Quick Update

Just a quick update:

Scott finally got home tonight from the fire.  He leaves for middle-of-nowhere-Whyoming tomorrow at 3:30am and will be gone for the week.  I'm glad he is safe and that he got to be out on a fire but am sad I have gotten so little time and also that we will completely miss Rachel's ovulation this month.  If only there was a local fertility clinic that would do IUIs with surrogates *sigh*

Time with mom has been a BLAST.  My car was acting up though on Friday so I had to drop it off at the mechanics for the weekend.  Luckily between my friend T and using Scott's truck I've survived. (gas guzzler that it is...) We've been SO busy though I've barely been home for more then a few hours to sleep and take care of the dogs, although I'll admit I'm not really complaining, it's been nice to be out of the house.  With Scott being gone this week I'll be suddenly very much alone in this house... so if you find yourself being imposed upon as I invite myself to all your shindigs, I apologize. 

Ok, I promise a longer post later.  Now I need to get some sleep before I have to drop Scott off at work at 3 in the morning.

What a Start to the Weekend.

Tomorrow my mom comes to town.

Today a wild fire started outside of Boulder.  It is still going on.  And Scott is out on it.  With his fire department.  My thoughts and prayers are with all the people out there that they return home safely with the fire extinguished with minimal damage to people's properties.

And then this happened.

So apparently my roommate found my blog.

I have no idea how this happened.  Even when you google for this it doesn't pop up.  There is a very select number of people I have given the URL to.  (Other than ICLW but I don't think she would be a part of that)
**Correction, I just found that my website has been found via google.  The keyword searches that found me were:
"extreme phobia of horseback riding panic attack" and "nerd family tree".
But if you google "Kira surrogacy blog", nada. I officially don't understand how search engines work**

Naturally she was upset about some of the things I have written.  There are two sides to every story.  But this is my side.  It's my perception of events, interactions and motives.  And ultimately, my living situation is not the main focus of this blog.

She asked that I no longer talk about her.  But I have to wonder, does she talk about our situation, about me, to her friends and family?  I would assume so.  And I don't ask her not to.  She has to reach out to her support system.  But so do I.

So on to what this blog IS about.  I absolutely support Scott in his firefighting.  But... well, the timing kinda sucks.  We have to ICI Rachel this weekend.  Kinda hard to do when he is in Boulder all bunkered up.  Worse case scenario?  We spare using the OPK and try again in April.  I realize that's not the end of the world... but... I've waited so long.  It probably should feel like nothing compared to the time that has already been spent but right now I just feel like a little kid who was promised a toy and has now been told I need to do more chores in order to get it.  *stamps foot* I want it noooooooooooooow!

I'll keep you posted on the state of the fire and the intended ICI.

On the upside Scott was as excited to go out on the fire as a little kid getting to open his Christmas presents 6 months early.  I love seeing him so exuberant and excited.  :)

MEH

Scott didn't get home yesterday.  It's a long story but he got stuck up in Wyoming and while he hopes to get home today, there are no guarantees.  But I know I married a good man - two of his crew that he is supervisor of were with him, and only one needed to stay so he sent those two home.  As much as he really dislikes his job he has a strong sense of work ethics and practices what he preaches.  We got hit with snow last night so pray that he gets home safely!

And on another note about the stupid snow: Rachel and I are supposed to go to Denver tonight for a concert.  Hello, roads, we need to drive over an hour south on you!  It's not just that it snowed.  In Colorado we get snow.  A lot more snow than we even got last night.  The problem is it was warm for a few days so when the snow first fell it melted.... and now there is ice beneath that snow.  And the couple days of warm weather is surely to have made a lot of people forget how to drive in snow and ice and there are going to be a lot of morons out there to contend with.

Rachels test this morning was negative.  Which I know doesn't really mean anything, but I must admit I was secretly really hoping for a positive even this ridiculously early.  We still have over a week before her expected cycle day 1 so lots of time to hang out on my pins-and-needle.  Joy.
(On a side note, I wish people were like cats.  None of this once-a-month business.  They go through months of "fertile periods" and because they are induced ovulaters, stimulation of the vagina causes them to drop eggs like confetti on parade.  Ok, I don't want a litter, but you get my gist)

And to top it off I had a crummy conversation with my mom Wednesday night that has been percolating in the back of my head and am only now thinking of all the things I wished I had said.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom.  She always has good intentions.  She always wanted the best for her kids.  But I'm just going to go ahead and admit that I'm a "daddy's girl".  Not in the obnoxious spoiled way, but my dad is super laid back and doesn't tend to get worked up very easily.  My mom on the other hand gets very passionate about stuff and sometimes in her enthusiasm for something doesn't think through the implications of her questioning. On Wednesday, my mom started in with the "are you sure you really want kids?  They scream and cry, are you ready to be up all night with a crying baby, because you know Scott will need to sleep because he has to go to work" etc etc. 

Now, I realize that some things about parenting cannot be fathomed or appreciated until you are one.  But I have been a nanny.  And my roommate has a 2-year-old and when we moved in together her daughter was just 6 months old, and before that we were neighbors when her child was born.  So while it's not my child, I know about diapers, groceries, and sick and fussy babies.  A friend just yesterday introduced me to Resolve.  How I have I been IF for a year and a half without finding this source in all my random infertility googeling???  If you don't know what it is, check out this link specifically for friends and family of infertile people:
http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/
Now how do I share this link with my mom without coming across as a terrible daughter?  I know she says this stuff because she cares, but I can't figure out how to tell her how much it HURTS.  (Partially because she will get upset, and then make some statement like "Well then I just wont say anything" which is just annoying)

Just so you people don't think we have a terrible relationship I will now list some of my best mom-daughter memories from my childhood:
-she made me a Belle costume from Beauty and the Beast.  My neighbor friends mom also made her one but mine was SO MUCH BETTER.  My mom is really excellent at sewing.
-she taught me how to cook: she always welcomed me in the kitchen even though I sometimes made big messes and ruined food (let's not talk about the time I "marinated" really good steak in straight cayenne pepper...)
-she took me to disneyland.  A lot.  When I know she would have rather taken me to Australia or something but me being a kid thought that theme park was way cooler than any exotic country.
-she also took me to exotic countries.  Hello Bahamas!  I must admit I didn't appreciate that trip as much as I should have, again being young and ignorant.
-she never missed a show.  I was heavily involved in choirs and plays starting in junior high.  And she was always there cheering me on, usually with flowers.  (My dad was/is a workaholic so he often was late or missed them altogether)
-my mom let me grow up.  I had a friend who's mom was still dressing her in little-girl clothes in 5th grade.  My mom took me to the mall and taught me how to apply makeup without looking trashy.  It was all age-appropriate, but she showed me high heels and cute clothes.

There are a lot more, but that is what came to mind first.  So all that to say, don't judge me for venting a bit on my own blog.  I love my mom but she also knows exactly what buttons to push on me to frustrate the ever-living-daylight out of me.

Nerd. Geek. Dork.

Yay, Rachel is back in town!  It's not like we hang out every day or anything, but it makes me happy that she's back in the state, although I do hope she had a great trip this weekend.  On the flip side, Scott left to travel for work at 4am Monday morning.  Boo :(

I always miss Scott when he travels for work, but I admit that I've found the silver lining.  Most notably, I get the giant king-size bed all to myself!  Well, myself and the three dogs.  Amazingly, Corgis have this supernatural ability to stretch out, lay down and suddenly weight 50lbs so that moving them is quite the task.  And all three lay triangulated on the bed so that while it is a king size bed, I am left with little room to sleep on it.  They also are great about laying down on the blanket in such a way that pulling it up to my chin is equivalent to weight lifting.

So as I lay in bed last night cuddling my real-life stuffed animals, I was thinking about about the various controversial subjects in parenting and this is what I came up with:

Infertiles, as a group, are generally rather well read.  I mean, what else are we supposed to do to keep ourselves busy as we kill time between treatments, during the terrible 2WW or whatever else we wait for. So we read.  We read about infertility, and often we read about parenting so that when we do get pregnant we are "prepared".  In light of this being ICLW week, I have made a pseudo poll, about some of the controversial subjects of parenting.  Some of these I admit I already have an opinion on, but I welcome people to share their personal experiences or research. 

But just a little reminder - we all want what is best for our future children.   Often the reason something is controversial is because there are good points on each side, otherwise everyone would agree.  So play nice :)  I know you all would anyway but I just had to say it...

-CoSleeping: Yea or nay?
-Babyfood: tiny pieces the child can pick and choose from and feed themselves, or blended and spooned in?
-Cloth diapers vs. Disposable diapers?


Discuss :)  I had more but figured I would save some for future posts.

Pulling Scott Off the Ceiling

Scott has been out of town on work all week and got home tonight.  Part of his day included a 6 hour drive home.  WAY to much time for him to over think and over analyze. By the time he got home he was in full-on freak-out about becoming a parent.

Now, I know becoming a parent comes with all kinds of fears and concerns.  My concerns tend to fall into the "I hope I don't mess them up emotionally/mentally" while Scotts tend to lean more towards "I hope I can provide the financial/material needs".  Both are equally important, but me being a girl it's easy to focus on the joy of parenthood and feel some semblance of sanity.  Scott being a guy and thinking like a guy and compartmentalizing everything does not.

Scott loves kids.  He wants kids.  But like clockwork, every time we are a day or so before the "trying" stage he hits this spot.  However, I KNOW that when we realize we aren't pregnant, he will be really disappointed.

So on a monthly basis, I get to remind him of this.  I thought girls were supposed to be the emotional ones?!?!

Thankfully he is back in his happy head space of balancing the excitement about a prospective baby with all the scariness babies bring too.

I need a bubble bath.  Or at least some kind of wife award.  Comforting can be exhausting!

But I know that I will have my freak outs, and Scott will be the one to talk me off the ceiling, and help me focus on what matters and what I really care about.  That's why we love each other.  We are an awesome team.  Maybe we should get jerseys...