Ink is the New Norm

So it seems like lots of people are posting about their ink and piercings lately.  So without further ado...
Just to lay the foundation: one of the things my mom beat to death was the idea that all tattoos will eventually be a major regret.  I cannot tell you how many times I heard "Don't get a tattoo.  I got mine and I regret it all the time"  and the thought that always went through my head was "Well duh.  You got as playboy bunny on your butt.  You were a stupid teenager who got a tattoo just to be cool.  I won't do that."  So I knew that when the day came that I got a tattoo, it would mean something.  Mean a lot.

My first tattoo I ever got was on my lower back.  The word "broken" in hebrew.  It comes from Psalm 51:17 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." NIV.  While this tattoo has many meanings and implications throughout my life, the basis of this was that I lost my virginity.  Scott and I had been dating for 2 years and to a certain extent it is difficult to be so emotionally intimate without the physical aspect.  So we had sex.  And I was wracked with guilt.  And I knew that as much as I could try to justify it, I needed to focus on my faith.  I remember I got it right before Thanksgiving break, 2005. I went home over Christmas, and to a certain extent, and kind of forgotten how new it was.  I was getting out of the car one evening and my mom saw the ink and choked out "WHAT is THAT?" I was really confused and was like "What?! ... ooooooh.  Ya.  I got a tattoo."  Needless to say I didn't explain that sex had been involved in it's history.

Then in the winter of 2007 I got a celtic horse on my right ankle.  I had long enjoyed the design.  The aesthetics, and the horse.  I started riding back when I was learning to walk.  Little "mommy and me" horse camp in the local park.  And from there, I was always trying to spend more time around them.  Riding speaks to something in my blood, in my soul.  And while I'm not superstitious the symbol was meant to keep equestrians safe.  (Hey, it's not like I have the word "moron" written on me in Japanese, right?)

Number 3... one of my favorites.  I got it it in the Fall of 2009, right about the time we started TTC.  I was desperately homesick for the northwest and dealing with the end of owning my horse Foxer.  (Who we re-homed so we would have money for a kid.)  I got a hippocamp on my left hip. The hippocamp was a mythical beast half horse half fish that pulled Poseidon's chariot.  Something about it seemed like a perfect symbol of who I am.  The love of water and horses.  I have already touched on my love of horses, but let me just say that growing up in the NW and spending every summer out on the family boat... I was a water baby.  When I have panic attacks it is one of the non-medical ways of calming me down to get into the shower.  I love to swim.  And I really hope to impart a love of the water and horses onto my kids someday.

My 4th and 5th tattoos cover the tops of my feet in spring of 2010.  I know I know, I get asked all the time "Isn't that painful??"  I try not to make a sarcastic remark. Yes it hurt.  But my hippocamp actually hits the bottom rib, and extends in front of my hip a little and was the most painful tattoo I have gotten to date. Anyway, it reads "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away..."(on the left foot) and then "Blessed be the name of the Lord.  Job 1:20" on the right, so you can read across them.  I was feeling frustrated with feeling like we had made no headway on the infertility front.  Of course 2 months later I would get pregnant... and lose it before we got a heartbeat.  The scripture was my mantra in that very dark time.  Again, focusing on the most important thing, my lifeline, my faith.

And my plans for the future?  I would like to have a red and white parrot tulip tattooed with a single red drop running down from the red of the petal.  This tattoo is for my miscarriage.  Not that I would ever forget, but my tattoos are a representation of me.  And I feel the need to have something to represent the pain and hopelessness I felt. Why a tulip?  For one, it is one of my favorite flowers, but also, because it s spring blooming flower and the child I lost was due in late March.  White for the innocence lost.... my innocence that a pregnancy could be a sure thing.  The innocence of that unborn child.  And red for the pain and for the actual physical blood shed.

So out of that somber note and back to something a little more fun.  My piercings.  I got my ears pierced as a small child (Had to do it twice because the first time I screamed so much i wouldn't let them do the second ear)  Then March 2010 I was in Seattle hanging out with one of my oldest friends E (we go back to elementary school if you can believe it) I wanted a piercing.  But something more than just an extra hold in my ear.  I don't like my boobs so nipples were out (E has her nipples done and loves them.I was tempted, but the other concern was if it would make my ability to breastfeed impossible someday)  And while I love the look of dermals, the pain you have to go through to have them removed was just too much to consider.  I wanted something easy to remove if I hated it.  I don't really like facial piercings... I considered my nose.  But was worried it could effect my attempts at job hunting so... for my birthday E and I went and got our hoods pierced.  Yes, I know, seems risque, but it was kind of perfect.  Because I got a piercing and it has made sex... improved.  And even Scott likes it!  Win-win.  Then in May I was feeling a little needle addiction, and got my right tragus pierced.  It's cute, I like it :) A tiny hoop with a green gem.  Maybe one day when I'm done having kids, after I lose the weight and get a boob lift/reduction (This isn't a vanity thing.  I have DD's.  And a bad back because of it.) and feel better about them, then I'll get my nipples pierced.  Andy maybe one day I will get brave enough to get some dermal piercings... I like to get some around my hippocamp to highlight it.  Oooo, sparkley...