Friday, February 25, 2011


Scott didn't get home yesterday.  It's a long story but he got stuck up in Wyoming and while he hopes to get home today, there are no guarantees.  But I know I married a good man - two of his crew that he is supervisor of were with him, and only one needed to stay so he sent those two home.  As much as he really dislikes his job he has a strong sense of work ethics and practices what he preaches.  We got hit with snow last night so pray that he gets home safely!

And on another note about the stupid snow: Rachel and I are supposed to go to Denver tonight for a concert.  Hello, roads, we need to drive over an hour south on you!  It's not just that it snowed.  In Colorado we get snow.  A lot more snow than we even got last night.  The problem is it was warm for a few days so when the snow first fell it melted.... and now there is ice beneath that snow.  And the couple days of warm weather is surely to have made a lot of people forget how to drive in snow and ice and there are going to be a lot of morons out there to contend with.

Rachels test this morning was negative.  Which I know doesn't really mean anything, but I must admit I was secretly really hoping for a positive even this ridiculously early.  We still have over a week before her expected cycle day 1 so lots of time to hang out on my pins-and-needle.  Joy.
(On a side note, I wish people were like cats.  None of this once-a-month business.  They go through months of "fertile periods" and because they are induced ovulaters, stimulation of the vagina causes them to drop eggs like confetti on parade.  Ok, I don't want a litter, but you get my gist)

And to top it off I had a crummy conversation with my mom Wednesday night that has been percolating in the back of my head and am only now thinking of all the things I wished I had said.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom.  She always has good intentions.  She always wanted the best for her kids.  But I'm just going to go ahead and admit that I'm a "daddy's girl".  Not in the obnoxious spoiled way, but my dad is super laid back and doesn't tend to get worked up very easily.  My mom on the other hand gets very passionate about stuff and sometimes in her enthusiasm for something doesn't think through the implications of her questioning. On Wednesday, my mom started in with the "are you sure you really want kids?  They scream and cry, are you ready to be up all night with a crying baby, because you know Scott will need to sleep because he has to go to work" etc etc. 

Now, I realize that some things about parenting cannot be fathomed or appreciated until you are one.  But I have been a nanny.  And my roommate has a 2-year-old and when we moved in together her daughter was just 6 months old, and before that we were neighbors when her child was born.  So while it's not my child, I know about diapers, groceries, and sick and fussy babies.  A friend just yesterday introduced me to Resolve.  How I have I been IF for a year and a half without finding this source in all my random infertility googeling???  If you don't know what it is, check out this link specifically for friends and family of infertile people:
Now how do I share this link with my mom without coming across as a terrible daughter?  I know she says this stuff because she cares, but I can't figure out how to tell her how much it HURTS.  (Partially because she will get upset, and then make some statement like "Well then I just wont say anything" which is just annoying)

Just so you people don't think we have a terrible relationship I will now list some of my best mom-daughter memories from my childhood:
-she made me a Belle costume from Beauty and the Beast.  My neighbor friends mom also made her one but mine was SO MUCH BETTER.  My mom is really excellent at sewing.
-she taught me how to cook: she always welcomed me in the kitchen even though I sometimes made big messes and ruined food (let's not talk about the time I "marinated" really good steak in straight cayenne pepper...)
-she took me to disneyland.  A lot.  When I know she would have rather taken me to Australia or something but me being a kid thought that theme park was way cooler than any exotic country.
-she also took me to exotic countries.  Hello Bahamas!  I must admit I didn't appreciate that trip as much as I should have, again being young and ignorant.
-she never missed a show.  I was heavily involved in choirs and plays starting in junior high.  And she was always there cheering me on, usually with flowers.  (My dad was/is a workaholic so he often was late or missed them altogether)
-my mom let me grow up.  I had a friend who's mom was still dressing her in little-girl clothes in 5th grade.  My mom took me to the mall and taught me how to apply makeup without looking trashy.  It was all age-appropriate, but she showed me high heels and cute clothes.

There are a lot more, but that is what came to mind first.  So all that to say, don't judge me for venting a bit on my own blog.  I love my mom but she also knows exactly what buttons to push on me to frustrate the ever-living-daylight out of me.


  1. Vent away - that's what blogs are for! Wonderful Moms can still not "get" what it's like to struggle with IF. Resolve is an amazing resource - I sent a couple of those links to all of my family and close friends who knew we were struggling, and it helped SO MUCH.

    My parents left this morning to head to MN and took Hwy50/285 to Denver instead of I70, and they said Molas pass was AWfUL, barely made it. Drive safely to Denver tonight...

  2. Thanks Josey :)
    I think I will email her the link and just be honest that she made me sad even though I know she didn't mean to.

    I hope they make it to MN safely! I can't imagine road tripping in this weather. I'm going to throw some ideas around with Rachel about taking some back roads vs I25.

  3. I've used those links too, with family and friends, with positive results. Sometimes they just really don't know what to say, and they really do think they're being helpful. For example, my mom always plays devils advocate... ALWAYS. When I was younger it was really hard to take, but I learned that it's her way of preparing me for possible bad news. She doesn't want to see me hurt so she tries to get me thinking in different directions. What she fails to realize is that I'm as stubborn as she is. :)

    Drive safely! It's wicked cold here again, and it's supposed to snow all weekend. I can't wait for spring!

  4. Vent away indeed! I'm the same--I have a great relationship with my mother, but she's had a hard time dealing with this infertility thing. Sometimes she just says the stupidest things. I know she's trying to help, but really. So don't feel bad. No matter how close we are with our mothers, they're our mothers and it's their job to drive us a bit nuts sometimes ;)

  5. We all seem to have this issue with our mothers. My mom has always been like a best friend to me, but all my fertility problems have drivena wedge between us because she just doesn't understand and ends up saying hurtful things when trying to "fix" the situation.

    "are you sure you really want kids? They scream and cry, are you ready to be up all night with a crying baby, because you know Scott will need to sleep because he has to go to work" - Would that have stopped your mom from having you? I think not.

  6. Thank you all for your support and understanding! I keep wishing I had started blogging sooner, but always assumed nobody would be interested in what I had to say - there are so many good IF blogs out there. I never realized what it does for the BLOGGER to write. *Hugs all around!*