Thursday, February 24, 2011

Near and Far

I was being a nerd and looking at my "stats" tab and was absolutely AMAZED by the places people are reading my blog from.  US (well, ok, duh), Canada (Hello neighbors!  I had great summers up there!)  The UK (I've only been to Scotland but very much enjoyed myself and hope to travel more someday) but THEN: Australia, South Africa and South Korea!?  I know that infertility strikes regardless of race or country but I am absolutely blown away.  I suddenly feel this pressure, like "wow, if all these people are stumbling onto my blog, I hope it is what they thought it was.  I hope it helps them.  I hope it touches them"  I always knew I wanted to write this blog to reach out and touch others.  But seeing as how it's not even a month old I would never have expected that kind of range of an audience.  Welcome, Welcome!  Grab a comfy chair, a drink, a brownie and chat a bit.  Comments really are welcomed and encouraged so I know you are out there!

And now onto the real post:

Today I had coffee with my friend L.  She and I met while in school and while we are very different people our shared love of animal medicine and particularly animal nutrition has lead to a good friendship. Today was the first time I had seen her since Scott and I decided on surrogacy, so I of course told her.  She was very excited and inquisitive about the process and how it all works.  And then she said the magical prophetic words.  "I think it's going to work.  And I think it's going to be a girl."

Now, on one hand, who is to say she is right or wrong besides God, and his fax machine still doesn't seem to be working so I haven't been getting direct messages from him.  Only time will really tell if Rachel/us gest pregnant, and what gender it will be.  But hearing someone else say with such confidence that we will have a good outcome is incredibly exciting.  Probably more exciting than it should be for a sane person.  And then I have these thoughts of "You haven't gotten pregnant in a year and a half.  What makes you think that this will work?" and then I start worrying that I'm doing the masochistic-setting-myself-up-for-failure-thing.  I keep wanting to text Rachel and ask "Did you take a test yet?!?!" but I know that 1-she only just ovulated Monday.  If an embryo did form, it may not have even implanted yet.  So a test very well may not work. and 2-if Rachel had taken a test, and gotten a positive, I KNOW she would have called me or at the very least texted me or something. 

So it's a stupid question. 

But I keep thinking it. I keep wishing there was something I could do or say to help Rachel out because I know she is just as excited and anticipatory as I am, but even after a year of two-week-waits, I got nuttin'. 

At least Scott should be home tonight from working in Wyoming all week, so I will have someone to talk to besides the dogs.  *looks around the room* I probably should start cleaning so he doesn't think I just blog all day....


  1. The upside to surrogacy - you don't have to fight yourself to stay away from the pee sticks in the 2ww. :)

  2. Having a positive, encouraging voice in your life is hugely important on this road. Glad she was there to be that voice for you.