Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Banging My Head on the Wall

Had the interview.  Not my best interview... it has been a while, I was rusty.  However, I must have done well enough because I am going in for a working interview tomorrow...

But I messed up guys.  So you probably know it is illegal for an employer to ask about family status in an interview due to liability if they don't hire you for having kids.  She didn't ask me... I said it.  She asked what my plans for the next five years were.  And of course it has been on the forefront of my mind and I blurted out "oh, ya, start a family, focus on getting my Nutrition Specialty..." blah blah blah.  She kind of freaked a tad, and said "well, how far away in the future?  I just lost my office manager because she had a baby"  And me, all deer-int-the-headlights said "oh, you know, closer to 3-5 years..."

You guys.  I lied.  In an interview.  I feel sick, like I'm going to vomit or something.  So now my choices are to continue to play dumb and then when Rachel does get pregnant do some serious groveling (assuming I get this job).  Or I tell her that "oh hey, so yesterday I lied.  We do want a family immediately" and absolutely do NOT get the job.  I'm all conflicted!  But do I even want to work for a boss that is all anti-family or baby-phobic?  I don't plan to stop working when I do become a mom... but I do plan to take a little time off to get into a routine.

Oh you guys, the guilt is killing me.  I don't want to get a job by lying.  I don't want a job just to have a job for a couple months, realize that it is not a right fit and be out looking for another job.  I just want a good job I can learn and grown in and stay at for a while. I wish I could rewind the day and redo that interview.

Any ideas?


  1. The thing is she's not allowed to not hire you because you're planning to have a baby, so honestly, your answer was irrelevant anyway.

    Yah it sucks that you accidentally didn't give the whole truth, but we all know that just because you plan for a baby by this-and-this date, it doesn't always work out that way. Who really know how long it will actually be for you right?

    I feel bad for you guys in the States that don't have proper maternity leave. It sucks that you even have to consider these things.

  2. Oh and you could tell her the truth, but as I said, I don't think that would be allowed to affect her decision. Pretty sure it's against the law to discriminate someone for that. (It is here.)

  3. Hey Elphaba! - It's true that it is illegal to discriminate, but it is difficult to prove in a court of law.

    At this point if I did tell her the truth she could not hire me for the fact that I lied.

    I guess, since we are pursuing surrogacy there is no reason for them to know until we a good ways along since there wont be any physical signs or symptoms from me. Although I have to admit I suck at keeping secrets, especially when I'm excited about it...

    Ya, go ahead and rave about your awesome Canadian healthcare. Make me jealous. Meanie ;)

  4. I wouldn’t worry about lying, because you never know when it will happen. Also, it shouldn’t be a deciding factor in a job. However, as an employer, I think her reaction is normal. I don’t think it makes her anti-family or baby phobic. It is scary investing time with an employee to have them leave if they decide to start a family. If you get the job, and Rachel gets pregnant, I recommend you speak to her ASAP and share your planes that way she is comfortable. I recently had my right hand employee get pregnant. She knew from day one that she wasn’t going to return. She told me at the time she told me she was pregnant. It was perfect

  5. I wouldn't come clean - she shouldn't have even asked you anything about how soon you were wanting to start a family. Besides, how many ppl THINK they aren't going to start a family and get accidentally knocked up? HA. Doesn't happen to me, but I hear it happens for some crazy fertiles out there.

    I think that when Rachel gets pregnant, when she's at 12 weeks (or whatever week you're comfortable with), THEN you talk to your employer and just lay it out that you DO intend to return - she's not losing her investment in you, yada yada...

  6. I agree with the others...I wouldn't say anything until Rachel is pregnant and then I would make sure they understand that you don't plan to quit when the baby is born. Hoping your working interview went well today. Keep us posted!

  7. I agree with the others too. Interviews are so stressful and they can't discriminate against mums/future mums... if you get the job it will be a sign that they're family-friendly. Keeping my FX'd for you xoxo

  8. I'm not sure, but I think that legally in the US you are not required to tell the truth when asked about your plans to have children.

    And it's not all sunshine and roses in other countries (although I do love a lot of things about German healthcare and family law). In places where long maternity leaves are guaranteed by the state, all women of child-bearing age are looked at with suspicion in the hiring process. Employers really don't want to run the risk that their new hire will be gone for 2 years. Also, you're expected to start your resume with your birthdate and family status (and a photo!).

    Good luck with your job search!

  9. Yikes! You should not have said anything. You should have played the part. All they really want to hear when they ask your five year plan is that you want to grow with a company like theirs. And if the family thing happened they would just have to work around it. If I were you I would go back in and say just that. Good luck girlfriend.