Alrighty - if you're here for ICLW check out my previous post on 3/20/11, here is the link:
(I don't know how to insert a link into a single word... maybe someday I'll learn lol)
Now onto today's post:
So, due to the inquisitiveness of some of my readers/fellow bloggers, here is a little history o' me&Scott.
We met in the fall of 2003, my first year of college. (Scott had graduated a year earlier and had taken a year off to work) We did the flirting-getting-know-ya stuff, and started dating in December of 2003.
After our first yer of college we both transferred to separate colleges, he to a college in Wyoming, and me to one in Denver. We survived long-distance dating and in 2005 we started talking about the future. On October 7 2007 we were married in the mountains of Colorado in Allenspark. There was some minor hiccups, but all-in-all it was as perfect as any wedding could be (in my mind). Sure our videographer skipped out early (no speeches or father-daughter dance) and our photographer was stressing everybody out as she tried to get a bunch of pictures, and my father-in-law never spoke to me, but hey there was no fighting, the food was good and we walked away wed.
Not shortly thereafter, in November my vehicle could not longer be limped along and we traded in for a working car, and my first car payment. Then in December at Scott's birthday party (December 1st) our dog Bandit bit a friend of ours. We were devastated. Bandit had been struggling with fear aggression for a while, and we had taken him to 3 different trainers in our attempt to rehabilitate him. But that day we realized we were not equipped for such a situation, and came to the conclusion to give him away. Then Scott had a seizure at work, at a steal fabrication company. And due to safety regulation, he couldn't work there anymore.
Here we were, newlyweds facing an unknown medical condition without an income. (I was in school at the time and when I try to work while in school I fail classes) Luckily Scott has a trust account that we could access via his mother. However, this led to an inability for us to be seen as independent adults as we had to include her in all of our financial decisions. This is an aspect of the relationship that has yet to change as his mom continues to treat us like teenagers still dating and not married adults. I think that this is the basis for why she does not support us being parents. And unfortunately the more you yell and scream "we are adults!" the less you convince them lol.
I also feel the need to explain that we come from very different backgrounds. Our differences is what attracted me to Scott, but sometimes it does cause difficulties. Most notably when we first married and were trying to make joint decisions. I had come from an affluent area, and while we weren't rich as far as I could tell, we never really wanted for necessity. Holidays were big events with lavish feats and gift giving. We had a boat and went out on it frequently on weekends and for 2 weeks in the summer for family vacation. Scott had grown up in a family of cattle ranchers, and remembered a childhood growing up in an old modular home and being grateful for basic necessities. All through my childhood I longed to move to the country and live on a ranch and ride horses every day. Scott had the childhood I dreamed of, and is singular in his ability to keep me grounded when I would tend toward trivial or material focuses. And I think I help balance Scott in pushing him to shoot for dreams that his logic would say was unreachable. We have found a good balance in our current life, but it certainly added to difficulty when first married because I was not able to accept our minimal lifestyle that comes to all newlyweds. I laugh at myself now, but at the time it was very real, very frustrating.
Anyway, so back to the new year of 2008. Tensions were running high to begin with. No job, lost our beloved dog, and then we were having problems a-la bedroom. I should explain. I've always had a high libido; Scott, not so much. So while we were already being pushed to our limit I was sexually frustrated, and every time he turned me down my self-esteem plummeted. I know that he didn't mean for me to take it that way, but when culture tells you over and over that men are horn dogs and the only reason they would ever turn a woman down is because she must be hideous, how was I supposed to react? Add to that the fact that neither of us really likes to take charge... I don't like saying "do this, do that" but I find myself doing that a lot. So it makes sex even when it did happen not so enjoyable. I do want to say, he is well endowed so that's not the problem. But this girl needs foreplay. And the only way I get it is by giving a detailed list which really sucks all the passion out of the situation. (In hind sight I think it was his way of reacting to the stress, he wasn't interested in sex when he was so distracted.)
So... we weren't doing so hot. There is a lot that a couple deals with in just learning how to handle a new marriage (who does what chores, how to spend money, planning for the future) that is a normal difficulty. And we had a number of other big issues on top of all that.
We almost got divorced I am ashamed to admit.
We started seeing a therapist who I also have to admit I was skeptical of. We had done some premarital counseling and the woman we worked with really kind of sucked. I had initially started college majoring in Biblical Studies and minoring in Psychology. The problem with the term "Counselor" is that it requires no official schooling or degree, ANYONE can call themselves that. I have a lot more respect for licensed Psychologists and Psychiatrists because they have had schooling. Anyway, this new therapist actually was pretty good and helped us to work through our resentments and disagreements to a certain extent. It saved our marriage.
So all of this rambling is supposed to help you to see us as people. With flaws and a past. We are far from perfect now, but I have to admit that having such a rough start forced us to find tools to strengthen our marriage. We have had conversations "normal" married couples probably don't have while still in the first 4 years of marriage. We have talked about organ donation, what we want done to us after we die, what we would do if the other did die... Scott is a volunteer fireman so mortality is something I've faced since first dating. But his seizure really hit home. He did have a second seizure 6 months after the first one, but since then he has had no further seizures or any signs of having them. We are forced to shrug and chalk it up to how his body handled stress.
I have plenty of stories and details but I'm not sure what you guys really want to know... so feel free to ask, I'm an open book.