Feeling discouraged about the interview yesterday. All gross and stressed out. And to top it off, I thought I was being all super-mature paying bills early? Well then we were busy and ate out a lot... and now we're over drawn. Two steps forward and one step back. *smacking forehead with the heals of my hands*
On the upside? Scott just just got notice that an application he submitted to a fire department out in Washington wants him to take the written test, the first step toward testing/interviewing for the department. It's the last week of April. Who knows, maybe that will work out and it wont matter that my interview sucked? I've been wanting to get back to the northwest sooooo badly... But if we do that, we have a very limited amount of months to get a pregnancy to stick with Rachel. I'm feeling pressure either way.
I really need to just stop trying to figure out my future. Isn't the biggest lesson of infertility, of life, of faith, that we can not plan? That we don't know if or when anything will ever happen? And while I know all of that... old habits die hard. I want a plan. A back up plan. Ducks in a row! Here duckie duckie duckies...
I know in a couple days we will know more. Or we wont. And all my plans and back up plans will have been a lot of wasted mental energy and emotions. I feel like at the very least, I'm doing something. Because I have to do something.
Apparently that something is rambling. Sorry guys. I promise to try to write something better later.